• Bae: Come over
  • Me: I'm in me mum's car
  • Bae: My parents aren't home
  • Me: Broom Broom
  • stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.



    My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

    the fuck kind of romeo and juliet is this 



The ’50s were fucked up man.

*tries this at next house party*



    what if you died and the last thing you did was make someone feel bad about themselves

    Me using my last breaths: This is the last time you’re gonna see me and you wore that?

    Anonymous asked:
    When girls go out wearing tiny, tight, skimpy outfits, I mean they have the choice to wear something else. some thing less provocative, so really girls are asking for it.


    If you’re out in public and I see you’re not wearing any protective headgear does that give me the right to smash in your skull with a hammer? I mean you asked for it, since you’re not wearing something to protect your head. 


    Freshman year:


    Senior year: